Update!

I’ve finished writing my research paper!

All that’s left for me is reading the rest of the textbook, which is only 3 chapters, but they’re very long chapters. And then there’s the final.

But I can do it!

It’s Finals Week!

This week is finals week for me for this semester. I also have a research paper due. It’s a little stressful to say the least. And when I get stressed out, I try not to think about whatever it is that’s stressing me out. Which means I procrastinate and just make things worse for myself. I know this, and yet I can’t seem to change it. It is what it is.

The class I’m taking is called “Family Violence.” It’s actually really depressing sort of. All the statistics on child abuse and the international abuse of women. It’s disturbing and makes me really question this world that we live in. I know that it’s a “fallen” world, but I mean seriously… So much is wrong with it. It makes it hard for me to think about, like my nephews growing up in this world. What will it be like for them? Not to mention the climate issues and all the trash in the ocean and all those other things! It makes me think I don’t want to bring a child into this world. But then, at the same time, like, the world can only get better with better people in it, right? So raise your kid up right and eventually things get better. I don’t know. I’m rambling, but that’s what I think about.

This class also makes me wonder about people I knew growing up and people I know now. How many of them have been exposed to some kind of violence in the home? It makes me wonder about those people who drive right on your tail and honk the horn or are consistently rude, cut you off while you’re driving… Is there something happening in their life? Is there an emergency? This class just makes me wonder about the people I see around and what their life is like.

But anyway, hopefully I will pass the final. Hopefully I’ll do well on my research paper that I’m procrastinating on. Eventually I’ll get it done. I was ahead of schedule and now I’m right on time, no more room for waiting. Yet, as I write this, I’m procrastinating again. Tomorrow morning, someone is coming bright and early to check our air conditioner or something. Which means that they have to get into the attic. Which is through my closet. Which means that I’ll have to be up bright and early too. Also, there’s the termite inspection tomorrow, when they go through your entire house and look at every nook and cranny. It’s… anxiety producing to say the least. But maybe tomorrow I’ll just try and focus on my paper and that will keep the anxiety down if I’m focused on my work. That sounds like a good plan to me. Now, hopefully, I’ll be able to stick to it. But the way I’ve been sleeping lately, I seriously doubt that. I haven’t been sleeping well and I’ve been sleeping later and later. Thank you PTSD and flashbacks in the middle of the night that wake me up and keep me awake. And even when I sleep I’m too tense to let myself fully relax. It’s exhausting to say the least.

But enough of my complaining…

tl;dr: It’s finals week and I am stressed and procrastinating and not sleeping well, PTSD.

Germ Factory

So while we were in Florida, when my nephew came over he had a terrible runny nose and watery eyes. We all assumed it was something blooming and allergies that were bothering him because it had been so long since he was in day care. Anyway… long story short: I’m sick. I started feeling like I had a sore throat the day before we left for home and ever since then it’s just gone down hill. I’m cautiously hopeful that I’m on the mend now because I can now, as of today, swallow without pain. But my voice is hoarse and sometimes just drops out in the middle of a word. It made talking on the phone to cancel an appointment very difficult, but I managed it. It seems like every time I see that nephew, I always get sick after. One time, which was no surprise I got sick, he crawled over to me on the couch and sneezed directly in my face. That was nice. 🙄 So that nephew is now called the Germ Factory. I love him to death anyway. And, to be perfectly honest, I think I would still take seeing him and getting sick over not seeing him.

Right now, at this exact moment, I am sitting outside on the back patio next to the pool writing this. I’m supposed to be writing a research paper for my class, but I’m ahead of schedule and trying to get back on schedule here – which means a post every Wednesday from me!

I didn’t grow up in a house like this. I had everything I ever wanted or needed, but my parents saved more money than they spent. Now that they’re close to retiring it’s paid off. They live in this beautiful new home (to us, I think it’s about 8 years old really), with a pool! I never had a pool growing up. We went to the neighborhood pool. At the time it was the best, but looking back at it and remembering… It was actually kind of gross. Too many times we all had to vacate the pool because some kid pooped in it and they had to shock the pool water. Or they heard thunder which meant we had to stay out of the water for 45 minutes – which to a kid, in summer, on a hot sunny day, felt like hours. But overall I think there are good memories there. Except the time I actually almost drowned. Which is a story for another day. I’ve got to get back to my research paper so I can stay ahead of schedule and finish it and not have to stress about it anymore!

If you’ve read this far, you’re awesome.

tl;dr My germ factory nephew got me sick and I feel awful.

New Adventures in the Wild

It’s been some crazy times lately! I’ve been gone for almost a year. COVID-19 quarantining sort of killed any writing creativity that I had. Of course, recently things have changed. I’ve gotten the vaccination shot (which I recommend to anyone who can get it, they should). Mask mandates are being lifted (not sure I completely agree with that). More stores and restaurants are being opened or available for take out. Life is slowly returning back to normal. Or, at least, a new kind of normal.

Right now, I’m visiting family in Florida. The weather today was gorgeous. It was warm, but with a breeze, low humidity and cool in the shade. Even though the high was 91˚F today!

My sister visited us today with her son – the nephew I’m closest too. It was a good day of riding around in the golf cart, napping, snacking, and visiting with them. It was really a nice day. She’s driving back to her in-law’s now. On our golf cart rides we look for all kinds of wildlife. Yesterday we saw owls and alligators. There weren’t any owls today, just alligators, but there were babies too.

Overall, it was a very good day. I’ll post some pictures, but they might be hard to see in some because of the distance and whether I was using my phone or my camera to take the pictures.

But besides the adventures with wildlife, I am writing to say that I’m back. I might not be posting as regularly, but I will do my best. My class load should lighten up soon!

Another Beginning…

…this one less pleasant.

It’s the start of a new semester. This time I’m taking Abnormal Psychology so it’s something I’ll definitely be interested in. I was interested in ASL too, but the work of it made it less interesting to me if that makes sense. Abnormal psych though is a part of my life so learning more about it shouldn’t be too much of a hardship.

I went online and looked at the ratings of my professor. I’m not so sure it was a good idea. It’s got me super nervous. You know it said all the worst things, lots of work, tests every week, professor doesn’t answer emails (and being an online school that’s definitely a big issue), etc. It’s just got me concerned and I’m trying not to think about it. But it’s hard.

How have you coped with a difficult professor? (If she’s anything like her reviews, I’ll definitely be giving a detailed end of semester survey!)

Crazy Times!

I haven’t posted in a while. Why? So many reasons…

  1. Coronavirus has been crazy! It’s really starting to get to me, but I know that I’m really quite lucky considering everything that’s going on.
  2. School. This ASL class has a ton of work involved. Lots of making videos and video chats with different people which causes me a lot of anxiety. Without thinking about it I tend to avoid the things that make me anxious. So there’s procrastination galore. Which causes more stress about actually getting things done.
  3. Moving. There’s a lot involved. Now there’s the official stay-at-home order, curfew… limited groceries, lots of stuff (more than I imagined)… issues at the new house, problems at the old house (gah!)
  4. Work. Will we keep our jobs? Will we lose them? We will have to take a pay cut? This is my dream home, but it’s very possible that we made a mistake buying when we did, right as coronavirus hit us here…

Basically, there’s a ton going on. There’s worries about people keeping jobs… My brother already lost his thanks to the ‘rona and with a new baby I think things are going to be getting tight over in his household so if you pray, pray for those who are struggling and can’t see the end in sight.

Right now, I really just feel overwhelmed, stressed, and stupid. That’s where I’m at so for the quality of this blog I’ve decided to take a little break until I can get everything else somewhat under control.

If it’s possible, I’ll try to post a little something now and then… but don’t hold your breath.

Good luck to everyone! I hope you all keep your jobs or get a different job with better pay that you actually like (hopefully this happens to my brother soon)! Stay safe! And stay at home!

Technology is not my friend

My ASL 1 class has just started. Since it’s online we meet our professor and other “mentors” (other people who also teach ASL who we practice with) via Skype.

I may have mentioned this before, but technology is not my friend. I can do some things, but a lot is over my head. For example, I just rejoined Facebook as a way to be involved in the Deaf community while in quarantine (thank you COVID-19). There is so much about it that I just don’t understand and don’t know how to do things. I try to stay off it because I don’t want to do the wrong thing somehow and post something or something like that and embarrass myself with it.

Needless to say, Skype is also over my head. I just recently received a 0 because I couldn’t get my Skype to work to contact my mentor with whom I had scheduled the weekly meeting as per instructed. I hate making bad grades. I mean, I hate it. With my anxiety over other things, bad grades on top of it just stresses me out. When I get stressed out, I shut down. I sleep a lot. I don’t do things. I avoid, avoid, avoid. So that’s what’s been happening for me.

I’ve got a new appointment with a mentor scheduled for this week and hopefully I’ll have figured it out and don’t miss it again. Other than my issues with technology, I’m loving the class, learning the new signs and everything. So interesting and the nerd in me says fun too!

Facebook and ASL

My new ASL (American Sign Language) class just started yesterday. Since it’s online, the coronavirus has no effect on the class.

Part of the requirements of the class is getting involved in the deaf community. That part is kind of ruled out for now, so I thought about it and how I could get my hours involved in the deaf community. This is what was suggested to me: Facebook.

Ah, the dreaded Facebook. I haven’t had a Facebook account in 10 years. I don’t like Facebook. But it had to be done. So I now have a Facebook account. People I haven’t spoken to in years are friend requesting me. Parents of friends I had when I was growing up are friend requesting me. I don’t know what to do about that, so the requests are being ignored for now. I found some groups and joined, or pages – whatever.

I don’t like having a Facebook but if it’s the only/best way to get involved with the deaf community at the moment, I’ll suck it up and do it.

I guess my point with this post is to say I’m putting myself out there on Facebook and that it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Next, that my ASL class has started and I’m thrilled. I can’t wait to learn the language.

Anyone else out there learning ASL? or interested in ASL?

APA Paper – Veterans and PTSD

I’m in an Orientation class and they’re teaching us how to write an APA style paper. Coming from an English major to Psychology major means switching from my well-known MLA style to the foreign APA style. Anyway, so I’m learning that. We get to choose our own topic. I chose veterans’ suicide rates and PTSD.

I’ve done lots of research and reading statistics and government produced documents. The point is… the state of the government and public’s relationship with veterans is pretty bad. The suicide rates and extremely high and getting higher. The ages of those committing suicide are getting younger and younger. And it seems like there’s a lot of talk and everyone agrees that something should be done and veterans should be taken care of, and yet nothing is actually being done. Not enough anyway.

It’s time for the public to stand up and demand better treatment for our vets, better facilities for them, and better education and training of the people working in these facilities. They need a bigger budget to accommodate this.

I’m ranting, but something should be done. Vets should be a much higher priority than they are now. They shouldn’t be homeless. They shouldn’t have trouble finding jobs. They should be able to get help from educated people dedicated towards their mental health. There should also be some kind of education, training, preparation for families of vets coming home with PTSD or any other mental illness.

Okay, I’m done now. But come on… America, the greatest country in the world but if you look at the state of veterans, we’re pretty low. Not enough people are speaking out about it. Certainly, not enough people are doing anything about it.

Done now. For real. But seriously… like if you agree.

Busy Busy Busy Bee

For the past few weeks, my life has been crazy busy. I’ve been gone from home more than being at home. I stayed with my sister and her baby and fell in love with him completely. (not posting pictures for privacy) I may be biased but I think he’s the cutest newborn baby I’ve ever seen. He was absolutely perfect.

While I was there, my school term started! In a matter of days I went from not being a student to applying, being accepted, registering for a class and then it started! I mean, it was less than a week – the whole process. I was amazed. Promo note: If you’re ever looking for an online university that’s a legit university – Troy University is the best. They work with a lot of military so they’ve been doing online for years as well as having an actual brick and mortar university and different campuses. I’m just starting week 3 of my course and I can say that so far the professor an advisors have made my transitioning so easy. They answer questions quickly and thoroughly. It’s just a great university.

Anyway. I’m doing my class, I’m waiting for a specific job opening that would be perfect for me, and currently I’m cleaning out all my stuff, going through everything. So it’s been a busy time, hence the absence on here!

But I love being able to say, “Yes, I’m a student.”

I want to prove my high school teachers who all told me I’d never graduate college wrong, and I want to get my degree. I want to prove that little voice in my head wrong, the one that says I’m worthless and can’t do anything right. I want to show that even people with mental illnesses and PTSD can be successful!

I’m doing it and you can too!