Another Beginning…

…this one less pleasant.

It’s the start of a new semester. This time I’m taking Abnormal Psychology so it’s something I’ll definitely be interested in. I was interested in ASL too, but the work of it made it less interesting to me if that makes sense. Abnormal psych though is a part of my life so learning more about it shouldn’t be too much of a hardship.

I went online and looked at the ratings of my professor. I’m not so sure it was a good idea. It’s got me super nervous. You know it said all the worst things, lots of work, tests every week, professor doesn’t answer emails (and being an online school that’s definitely a big issue), etc. It’s just got me concerned and I’m trying not to think about it. But it’s hard.

How have you coped with a difficult professor? (If she’s anything like her reviews, I’ll definitely be giving a detailed end of semester survey!)

The End and the Beginning

It’s finally the end of the semester. I scraped by in ASL, it’s true. It was much more difficult and a lot more work than I expected. But it wasn’t unreasonable. However, it wasn’t easy for someone with the conditions that I have to have to Skype video chat with different strangers two times a week. After a few times of trying and it not getting better, but worse, I made the decision to not participate in that activity. So that hurt my grade a lot. I believe if I had continued with the video calls that I would have received an A. But I’m perfectly happy with my B.

At the same time, we’re moving. It’s the beginning of what feels like a new life for me. Where (hopefully) I won’t have such crippling anxiety to even go to the front yard and check the mailbox. In a more superficial way, I’ll be less pale because we have a pool! And I plan on spending the summer in it! Already, as I’m writing this I’ve got my suntan lotion on and I’m just waiting for my phone to finish charging so I can use it to listen to some music and just hang out by the pool.

It’s really a great relaxer and really takes my mind off the things that are happening in the world. Like coronavirus. Like loosening the restrictions and people thinking we’re all okay and then we have another break out. I live in the place in Alabama where coronavirus cases are growing the fastest, so it being a concern of mine doesn’t seem so far fetched. But I’m not completely freaked out by it. Because I’m careful. I try to avoid people (usually do that anyway) and I wash my hands (which I also do anyway).

Moral of the story: semester’s over, moved in to new house, and most importantly WASH YOUR HANDS!!

Crazy Times!

I haven’t posted in a while. Why? So many reasons…

  1. Coronavirus has been crazy! It’s really starting to get to me, but I know that I’m really quite lucky considering everything that’s going on.
  2. School. This ASL class has a ton of work involved. Lots of making videos and video chats with different people which causes me a lot of anxiety. Without thinking about it I tend to avoid the things that make me anxious. So there’s procrastination galore. Which causes more stress about actually getting things done.
  3. Moving. There’s a lot involved. Now there’s the official stay-at-home order, curfew… limited groceries, lots of stuff (more than I imagined)… issues at the new house, problems at the old house (gah!)
  4. Work. Will we keep our jobs? Will we lose them? We will have to take a pay cut? This is my dream home, but it’s very possible that we made a mistake buying when we did, right as coronavirus hit us here…

Basically, there’s a ton going on. There’s worries about people keeping jobs… My brother already lost his thanks to the ‘rona and with a new baby I think things are going to be getting tight over in his household so if you pray, pray for those who are struggling and can’t see the end in sight.

Right now, I really just feel overwhelmed, stressed, and stupid. That’s where I’m at so for the quality of this blog I’ve decided to take a little break until I can get everything else somewhat under control.

If it’s possible, I’ll try to post a little something now and then… but don’t hold your breath.

Good luck to everyone! I hope you all keep your jobs or get a different job with better pay that you actually like (hopefully this happens to my brother soon)! Stay safe! And stay at home!

House Hunting Pt. 2

We’ve got a house!

WE’VE GOT A HOUSE!!

It’s in the process stage now, but the owners have accepted our offer so it’s pretty much ours! After searching for the right house for sooo long…

I knew the moment we were in the house that I loved it. Walking around it, checking out the rooms, the yard, the pool (and hot tub!), the upstairs, the front doors, everything, I knew that this was THE house.

It’s the house and it’s ours! I can’t wait to actually be in the house (skip the actual packing and moving of all our things). This summer, I’ll be burning by the pool in the backyard and cooling off in the pool. I cannot wait. I’m so excited!

Facebook and ASL

My new ASL (American Sign Language) class just started yesterday. Since it’s online, the coronavirus has no effect on the class.

Part of the requirements of the class is getting involved in the deaf community. That part is kind of ruled out for now, so I thought about it and how I could get my hours involved in the deaf community. This is what was suggested to me: Facebook.

Ah, the dreaded Facebook. I haven’t had a Facebook account in 10 years. I don’t like Facebook. But it had to be done. So I now have a Facebook account. People I haven’t spoken to in years are friend requesting me. Parents of friends I had when I was growing up are friend requesting me. I don’t know what to do about that, so the requests are being ignored for now. I found some groups and joined, or pages – whatever.

I don’t like having a Facebook but if it’s the only/best way to get involved with the deaf community at the moment, I’ll suck it up and do it.

I guess my point with this post is to say I’m putting myself out there on Facebook and that it makes me extremely uncomfortable. Next, that my ASL class has started and I’m thrilled. I can’t wait to learn the language.

Anyone else out there learning ASL? or interested in ASL?

For those in need of comfort

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley.

I will fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely Your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

Coronavirus!

So schools were just announced to be shut down in Alabama recently. I thought maybe I should say a little something about it. I’m not all that concerned at the moment about it. Because I will be washing my hands all the time and thanks to my agoraphobia, I won’t be exposed to it too often. I’ve got lots of groceries so I don’t need to go out for a while. I could probably stay here for two weeks if I needed to. But don’t worry, I wasn’t one of those people who stockpiled toilet paper and fought to buy the last of everything. I did not go overboard about it. Partly because I’m younger and healthier than the older people who are more at risk of having serious problems if they get it (like dying). I left groceries for other people.

Why?

BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE ABLE TO STAY CLEAN AND HEALTHY SO THE VIRUS DOESN’T SPREAD!!!!

People seem to have forgotten that little nugget of truth. It’s not all just so you won’t get sick, it’s also so that others don’t spread it. Remember that. Clean everything you touch. Avoid touching your face as much as possible. Wash your hands ALL the time with soap and water because soap is actually more effective than the Clorox hand wipes and hand sanitizer.

(That’s a link to where I learned that information.)

So y’all stay safe! Stay clean! Remember others out there and take care of each other!!

Podcasts

Podcasts aren’t really my thing, but this one is different. This podcast gripped me from the very beginning and held on tight. If you haven’t heard of it, you should really give it a shot. Make sure to choose a full episode, not the mini-sode.

A full episode is when each host brings a story and tells it. A mini-sode is when fans and listeners send in letters with their stories.

My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark

They don’t just discuss true crime. They also talk about mental health and how to stay safe. And they’re just hilarious people. They manage to take true crimes — scary, horrible stories — and lighten them up making it very entertaining without being so morbid. I don’t think I’m doing it justice, but if you’re at all interested in true crime you’ve got to try them out! They’ve got a website, fan cult, and a book.

They’ve got cats, hilarious stories of their lives, and a great sign-off…

Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered! SSDGM!

It’s Mardi Gras Y’all!

Today is Fat Tuesday, in case you didn’t know. Talk to anyone from Mobile and they’ll tell you that Mardi Gras started in Mobile, Alabama. Most people hear Mardi Gras and think New Orleans, Louisiana. Let me clear this up for anyone who’s confused. Mardi Gras started in Mobile, Alabama. The “father” of Mardi Gras, is Joe Cain.

Joe Cain came to Mobile and dressed up and partied through the streets on Fat Tuesday. In Mobile, we have a celebration before Fat Tuesday. There’s Lundi Gras, which is the Monday before Fat Tuesday. Then there’s Joe Cain Day, which is that Sunday (this previous one). Joe Cain Day in Mobile is celebrated with the Merry Widows, all Joe Cain’s wives. They fight over who he loved more. It’s very family friendly, but it’s also just a lot of fun.

My anxiety allowed me to go out one year, a while ago. But I remember it very clearly. It really was fun. There weren’t any elbows being thrown, no fights for beads or moon pies, none of that.

This guy is dressed as Joe Cain, dressed as Slacabamorinico. (the center guy)

It’s a lot of fun. And remember, Mardi Gras started in Mobile, not New Orleans. Tell your friends!

Doctor’s Appointment Pt. 2

I posted about this earlier, but here’s the continuation. Here’s how the appointment actually went…

First off, I wasn’t alone. My mother came with me. In a previous appointment (at a different doctor’s office) I had a panic attack while on the table with the doctor in the middle of doing her work and jumped off the table and sent things flying. Needless to say, I never went back there again. To keep that from happening again, my mother (so kind and supportive) comes with me.

Secondly, I still cried. Silently, but there were still tear marks on my face even though I tried to catch them before they fell. Embarrassing.

Third, the doctor did tell me everything that she was doing and that really helped. I was prepared for it, or at least as prepared for it as I could be. And she was very, very fast about everything.

All I kept thinking about was that if I were normal and nothing had ever happened to me, this wouldn’t be such a big deal. I wouldn’t be a grown adult who still needs her mother to hold her hand. If I were normal… And that’s what really hurts the most, I think. All the things that might’ve been if what happened to me hadn’t happened, if I’d been in a different place at a different time… all the potential I had wasted because I was afraid of my own shadow for a while. Which made going to school impossible. So I’m in online university which is great and I know what I want to do and that’s nice. That might’ve not been the case if what happened to me hadn’t happened. That’s what I have to tell myself. The silver lining…even if it is a little tarnished. Anyway…

I’ve just gotten home. I stopped at Starbucks on the way home and got myself a little treat. My therapist, when I went to equine therapy, told me that when I go out and do something I don’t want to or that causes stress and anxiety that I should reward myself. So that’s what I did. Starbucks is my reward.

I’m glad the whole thing is over. Don’t have to go back for another year. So glad it’s a once a year thing and not a 6 month deal. Anyway… That’s how it went.